Sunday, December 12, 2010

Jason Huerta you are missed by us All!

This is an old posting but I have been missing Jason these past few weeks and felt I should repost what I had written about him. To the Huerta family I Love You,


You see as it turns out I have to go to court and testify in a Civil Trial next week and that bothers me. Based on my experiences with the Courts and local law enforcement I have fears that something bad could come out of something that is already so wrong from the start. I will warn you now that this posting will be filled with smiles and a few loving tears because my life includes all of you. I first want to let you into some of my beliefs and the cost I bare for such convictions. Wow this opening up to you all on this first point which is probably going to be the hardest thing I have ever shared about myself. About ten or eleven years ago one of my sons had some medical problems regarding a growth in his nasal cavity.. He was a young teenager and so much braver than I could ever be. Now I will be the first to admit an outsider might finish reading this story and say damn that was a lot of hard luck. No I have been blessed with this life and its experiences and because of that I was so well prepared for the challenge of these last four years. However as a parent my greatest hope has always been that because of my walk in life and how I dealt with it, my children would be able to leap frog to an even greater walk of life. Now we did the medicine thing, the wait and watch thing and it was decided that an out patient procedure would be needed. My In laws and my Dad came up to Stockton and Julie and I were already so nervous as the day arrived. So here we are all at the hospital waiting for the good news and relief direct from the doctor’s mouth as he met us after the procedure. As I recall he spoke directly to my father in law Ken and I and that was when my worst fears were answered. As it turns out there was more to this growth than originally thought, and even after this procedure we new little more than before. The doctor told us it could be this or IT COULD BE THAT. If it was this it would entail that HOWEVER IF IT WAS THAT WELL IT WOULD REQUIRE A VERY SERIOUS OPERATION BY A VERY SPECIALIZED DOCTOR. Now as much as I have said I have enjoyed my life I never said it was easy. My wife and her mom waited for my son and Ken and I left before them home but I already knew. I knew that because of how my life played out my son was not going to have an easy time of it and that ate at me. Now at the same time here in Santa Barbara my lifelong friends Joel and Sonya had learned there son Jason had leukemia and he was in for a battle that would finally claim his life. Let me tell you all how proud I am of Jason Huerta and how his heart and courage carried all of us through his ordeal. In one of our trips home for Fiesta Jason saw me at De La Guerra Plaza and came up and greeted me. So brave and happy, I remember having to excuse myself several times as we chatted because I didn’t want him to catch me crying or see me wipe my tears away. As Jason and I talked I promised to visit him and bring him my prized Kobe Bryant rookie card. Some time passed and I was true to my word and went to his grandparents home to surprise him. He was much sicker than and I began to really worry that we would lose him to God. Jason told me he was off to the City of Hope Hospital. He also told me that he liked the Redskins hat I was wearing. I asked him to contact me once he and Sonya had got settled in and I would send him a hat as well. A few weeks passed and I got worried because I had not heard from Sonya or Jason so I called his Grandparents house. As it turns out he had slipped into a coma the day before and I was never able to say good bye or give him his hat before he passed. Now when you grow up buddies as Joel and I have you share many experiences, backing each other up in many areas. I was so hurt and felt Joel and Sonya’s pain I could not attend Jason’s funeral. You see while this was going on my son had to go through 3 or 4 more procedures and the operation was so delicate they feared his facial features could be altered. The tumor had grown to the size of a tennis ball and I was a wreck. You see I to feared even though it was so remote I could also lose my son to god. An the problem was that during this time because I loved Joel, Sonya and Jason so much and respected there situation I could not ask God to love my son more than Jason. I did not know how to ask God for what I perceived was more than what I had a rite too. I did not feel that my needs no matter how personal to me they were, did not make them greater than any one else. I hated myself for this view yet I believed who was I to think my needs were more important even if it meant I might lose my son. To this day I doubt my ex wife, my son’s or family ever understood what I was going through. It is a complex point to make and I hope some how you can understand what I am trying to share.

A couple more quick stories and I will finish. Have any of you ever heard of the littlest Hobo that lived in Santa Barbara ? Well 25 years ago or there about Julie and I were downtown shopping around Christmas time and we saw what looked like a homeless couple with an infant baby. I was cold that day so when I say the baby in a tee shirt Julie knew right away I wanted to give the couple money. We walked a very short distance and Julie said how about we buy the baby a blanket or some cloths, she knew it was bothering me. We turned around and looked and looked but we could not find the couple or the baby. Well a few days later the story in the Santa Barbara New Press read “ The Littlest Hobo had died”. In the time it takes to blink an opportunity could be lost and losing 1 more child is 1 child to many. Now I know that her death was not my fault but could we have made a difference? Please don’t wait any longer in dealing with our youth. If there are things we can do, don’t stop those who are trying because of selfish or petty reasons. Some times in life things are bigger than our own needs and our failing to recognize this can and does have a harmful effect on all of us.

I have never shared my thoughts about my Son or Jason with anyone but God before tonight. I am not sure that the story is even relevant other than to say I am harder on myself than anyone could be. That what I believe in my heart shows through my actions. Never let a man with no vision tell you what you can see, never let a man who has sold out his true beliefs be the standard in which you seek to obtain. We are better than what we have shown but we must begin to show just how much better we can be. We are Americans and it is sad and it is true we have a gang problem, an American youth gang problem. What is yet to be determined is how we will go about correcting and interacting with the role society has already played. Regardless of blame our youth do not rise with the sun each morning and asking for the abuse’s they have been exposed to. How do we go about solving such a dilemma?

One last story and I will leave you alone until my next posting. Many years ago Julie and I had decided on the New Year to bite the bullet and buy our family our first computer. It was to be considered everyone’s birthday present for the year. So he man me sets the computer up and to my surprise it actually worked. With my elementary school aged child Manuel looking on I was stuck and could not get to where I wanted to go on the computer. My son tried to offer his opinion and I cut him off. Several more minutes pass and my frustration was growing. There was Manuel trying to share something with me and I repeatedly kept cutting him off. Finally with a little fatherly attitude I turned to my son and said” Son I am trying to learn this so I can teach you”. My son said “dad you need to hit file so you can exit and get where you want to go”. We cannot expect to understand or improve our view of what our youth feel with out asking for there in put. It would not surprise me that after we get ourselves out of our own way our youth can and will lead us to the type of society in the future that the history books will praise for all eternity. You see the true Magic is in there hearts and brains and they will not fail us.

All I ask is that if you like what I have shared with you please share it with others, failing our youth is not an option.

Best Regards to all

Larry " Magic" Mendoza

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